Category Archives: Romance

This is NOT a post about Flavour N’abania

Well. That’s a change right?

No, this post is about one of those P-Square twins. I asked on Twitter and it seems the one I dreamt about day before yesterday night was Peter. Peter Okoye.

This one:

 Why was I dreaming about him? I’m glad you asked because I have NO IDEA.

No, shut up, I am not that shallow. 

In fact before I had the dream, I didn’t know he looked like this. Or which one he was. Or that he looked like this.

I didn’t really care about their music, didn’t get the hype…well, I like that ‘She’s on Fire’ song but I don’t particularly care for the newest one. Basically normal everyday stuff.

But then I had the dream…oh boy!…talk about drama. We were together and there was beef from some girl and there was a whole lot of driving around trying to escape this girl and then it turned into trying to protect my family from this mad girl and then I was married so we had to hide….look the details are unimportant, even if the love I felt for the P-Square character ‘burned’ like a urinary tract infection (If you haven’t been pregnant yet, just you wait) before antibiotics. 

(Come to think of it, I did wake up with that too-full bladder feeling so maybe it was that as opposed to undying love).

The point is, if you know him, or know someone who knows him or his brother/sister/grandmother/maiguard, please tell him to contact me. I want to know if he had the same dream, if our paths are to collide somehow and how to Flash Forwardly prevent what happened in that dream from occurring.

If however this is one of those Igbo dreams  – like if you dream someone is dead it means they are going to live until they turn to dust on their feet – then please he should stay on his own side of the fence. Igbo chis are tricky.

Last thing I need is for one of my sisters to introduce him as her intended. There is no Igbo way of telling someone you’ve seen their fiance naked. Even if it was just in a dream.

Ike agwugo m. I am tired for some women sha.

Here’s something I don’t get. Some women think that there is only one man for them, they believe in the concept of ‘Mr Right’. Let’s not go into whether I believe this or not. It’s irrelevant. What baffles me is that they have this belief and will still lie and pretend in order to get the man they want.

Take a girl, let’s call her Ebube. Ebube likes Ikem. Ebube thinks Ikem is exactly the kind of man she wants, but Ikem does not like women who are outspoken. So Ebube being a ‘smart girl’ decides to be as quiet as a mouse; all her responses become ‘Yes, sir‘ and ‘No, sir’ and ‘Three bags full, sir’.

Ikem also likes women who scrub his feet with coarse salt and warm water each time he comes back from work and even though Ebube has a rule about whose feet she touches and when, she goes ahead and scrubs away, excusing herself at intervals to ‘check the food on the fire’ all the while going into the toilet to vomit until her intestines are in her throat.

Continue reading Ike agwugo m. I am tired for some women sha.

So Flavour is engaged, biko nu you people should leave me alone!

I have heard o! Flavour is engaged. Whoop-di-do. Congratulations to him (and Her!).

Now I have acknowledged it, you may cease pressing your ‘Send’ buttons. Even Hubs is in on it. You should have seen the speed with which he sent me the news, sef. I could imagine him sitting back and cackling.

Thank you all for your concern. I am not sad, marriage is a beautiful thing and a true Igbo man should endeavour to marry at least once in each lifetime. It is a sign of manhood. He will get to drink the dregs of palmwine because oji oru n’aka.

However, if Flavour N’abania were retiring, the story would have been completely different:

I shudder to even think.

Why you’re not married.

I usually find a lot of topics like these ridiculous, but this time, something’s different. I think it’s because I always get search terms like…hang on. Lets’s turn into a Hero Series shall we?

Where to meet Igbo men

Number of times searched – 2

Alternate searches: How to keep an Igbo guy (1), How to snag an Igbo husband (1), How to bag an Igbo man (1), How to keep my Igbo man (1).

I was first alerted to the presence of this post called ‘6 Reasons you’re not married‘ on Ginger’s blog and decided to let you know what mine are from the Igbo perspective. As you can see from the above search results, some people – I’m assuming women but it could be men too – would like to know.

Before you guys get big-headed over how sought-after you are, there is a twist.

Callistus, put down your holy water. Azubike, swallow that bit of nkwobi you have in your mouth. Ifeanyi, leave that woman alone until I finish what I have to say. Igbo boys, here are 6 reasons that you’re still not married even though you want to be.

Continue reading Why you’re not married.

I lied. They are not. Maybe they’ll kiss or something; make it really old school. I give up for this babe, abeg.

But the good news is, 7,000 words to go. HURRAH! I did think I’d be done long before now, but life has a way of serving you cabin biscuits when all you want is bread.

Anyway, I’ll be doing a post on Yellow Igbo Boys (YIBS for short). Everyone has one.

See you soon.