Monthly Archives: July 2012

P-square news-es

UPDATE: HUH. Ifite Dunu, not Ifite Awka. I must read properly (but in my defence I’ve been having a fever for three days now.)

Flavour gini? Biko he’s too far away!

I must be SERIOUSLY slacking in my life because I did not know that P-Square are from Awka. My very doormout. How could I not know? I need to hand my National Union of Journalists badge back because I am a disgrace to the profession.

Anyway, if you’re done drooling, the boys whose mother died on the 11th of July five hours after heart surgery in India will be in Ifite-Dunu to bury her on the 2nd of August.

May God be with them at this time. And I mean that in every way. Some people are just coming to ‘chop their money‘.  They need to go to the Imo-Owka oracle and  kee nkwucha (also known as a spiritual ‘Tuck n’ Tape) otherwise plenti plenti girls will have their bread buttered for life via child support payments.

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(Not quite) weekend ramblings: Summer is finally here!

  •  I really shouldn’t neglect my blog so much. I mean, I do think up quite a lot of new stuff to put it in while I am in the shower – why do all good things happen in there anyway? Seriously, I need to invent some kind of pad that attaches to my shower stall in which I can jot down all my ideas as they come – but life gets in the way as soon as I step out and I get sucked into the vortex.

  •  I am doing quite well with edits for my book, but sadly I am not going as fast as I would like. I pore over every minute detail – which I suppose is as should be – that I think the book might be done much later now. Besides, I have been advised to delay the launch till after the Olympics. Apparently people will not buy/read it. Who knew?

  • Olololo, see the number of umu akpu obi going shirtless all over the street. Do they not know that I am a married woman, eh? One who is a serious writer for that matter and must not be distracted by…by..ahem! See these smalling boys o! Chukwu nalu ekwensu ike.
  • What are small-small children doing fornicating on the street? This photo was taken from two weeks ago. I still cannot get my head around it:

What are these smalling children doing eh? See them, still in their school uniforms, just messing around. And for what?

*** In case you cannot see, there are three (black) girls to three (white) boys. The couple by the tables lay down, the girl between the boy’s legs at some point. The girl had the chest of a thirty-year-old and the braces of a twelve-year-old. The hidden set is of a boy sitting on a bench, trying to convince the another girl to ‘have a go’ because their friends – the obvious couple – were snogging. (Granted, I imagined this bit.)

The girl in green arrived last with another boy. She kept her distance,preferring to swing by herself. The girl in white you can see, is the snogger. ***

And while my liberal self rejoices at such uniformed interracial-ism, I cannot help but wonder, in such an unequal world (males above females, white ‘above’ black), if there was to be a scandal who would find themselves the losers? Please if you have daughters, pick their ears very well. A young, black girl is already twice ‘disadvantaged’ in society.

  • In fact, I am vexed now. In the playground? Where did they expect me to look? I mean, even I, who knows exactly what to do with a man in my lair (and have biblical right to do so, oh yes!) was forced to avert my gaze. Issorai.
  • I am not bikini ready. In fact, I have never worn a bikini in my life. To me, it’s false advertising. What of I’m prancing about in my bikini and someone decides to give me a shove into the pool? I can’t swim.

  • I defy anyone to eye my unshaven legs on the bus this summer. In my country, my hairy legs are very hot among men of my tribe. All boys avert your gaze! These are for men only…well, now one man. Anyway, avert!
  • I wish I could swim. I guess I am going to have to settle for a shower. Man it’s hot.

Blog giveaway: 50 Shades of Grey + your votes

So here are the stories I received. I delayed by six days because I thought I would get more stories but since I didn’t, let’s not keep the entrants waiting, shall we? First story to get 10 votes (or the most votes) by 5pm (GMT) tomorrow, wins.

 

  1.  

    I hooked up with this hot guy I liked in university. We hadn’t seen for a while so when he suggested lunch I agreed.  After the delightful meal, he offered to drop me home. As I got out of the restaurant, I slipped and my very pencil skirt, which had a front slit tore all the way to my pubic area. Did I mention I was going commando because I hate pant lines? I wanted to die. His reaction? The monkey pointed at it (the idiot) and started laughing. During the trip home, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He apologized but let’s just say that was the end of that. A-hole

     
  2. Stephanie MacDonald 
     

    I used to work at a pool as a lifeguard, and I would open the pool. This guy I was REALLY into walked me to work early one day and we went swimming with all the lights off. Then, my boss came in and we were busted! I was so sure I was fired, but she was cool and just told me to never do it again and left it at that!

     

    Please vote by putting either 1 or 2 in the comment section. Or you can put the name of the candidate whose story most appeals. 

    Good luck to the competitors!

     

An excellent article for anyone wanting – like I am – to go the self-publishing route.

Cristian Mihai

When you first self-publish, it’s easy to get caught up in an avalanche of new words. You build an author platform, you promote, you post giveaways, you send ARCs, you tweet, you blog.

You’re constantly searching for a target audience, making up marketing plans. You’re slowly turning into a business man. Sometimes you might even talk like one. Heaven forbid you actually start dressing like one.

Whether you like it or not, Self-Publishing is a business. So how much money can you expect to earn if you self-publish?

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