An Igbo woman writes from the grave: A story of domestic violence.

First of all – as a disclaimer – let me just say that I hate stories that are designed to tug at the heart especially if they are true stories. Just give me the facts and let me make my own judgement. I find those stories are more powerful that way, stripped of artifice. This is obviously a device of the writer and not a fault of the ‘victim’.

So I did have to filter out a fair bit of the maudlinism to get  to the nub of the matter:

1) The woman is dead.

2) She suffered emotional and physical cruelty at the hands of someone sworn to love and protect her until she died.

3) She left behind two children whose future now looks uncertain – one is a boy with developmental problems. The other is a girl. In this story, it seems their father would simply want them not to exist.

But there are other questions which simply refuse to go away:

1) Why, why, WHY did she stay a whole 12 years while the man stripped away her humanity? A lot of women think that a man has only broken his vows when he cheats. In my view, a man who beats you after he vows to cherish you has broken his vows. The signs were there from the beginning. A person that loves you will not allow you to be exposed to ridicule of ANYONE no matter if it’s their mother, sister-in-law or extended family. (Speaking of which, the sister-in-law was married into the family as well so she has just as many rights as the dead woman.)

2) Dead woman is the last of nine children. WHY could she not go to anyone in her family (obviously the writer of her story knew. What did he/she do to help?)  if things were so bad? She died like a fly with no kinsmen. Sad.

Biko nu, Igbo men if you are not ready to get married, simply stay single. A man is not mature by age. If after you marry you still hold your mother in higher esteem than your wife then marriage is NOT for you. Same goes for woman and their fathers. You’re better off staying with them rather than carrying your wahala to someone else’s house.

Seriously. Forgetting to buy anara for your mother is no reason to let your wife die alone.

See the dead Ogochukwu’s story here

I’m still interested in the man’s point of view – not excusing that the woman is dead and all – so if you’re he or you are privy to the info, please share.

8 thoughts on “An Igbo woman writes from the grave: A story of domestic violence.

  1. Nwunye m. Bia ka anyi bie oma. I’ve missed you! Will get on with catching up.

    I’m even about to publish a post about this letter. I wonder at your first question too. Do women think there is a special award for being ‘the most abused woman in marriage’?
    Is there a brand of honor for letting a husband mistreat you? I tire oo.
    May her anguished soul finally rest in peace.

    p.s. So I did have to filter out a fair bit of the maudlinism…facepalm.

    1. Nwanyi a I have been lurking around your blog wondering ma onye nwa ebulugo gi gbafuo since the ‘proposal’. Glad to have you back. Ngwa dee oso oso biko ka m guo ihe i na ede. Nke faceplam buzi gini? Obu na me ekwughi eziokwu?

  2. i tire for this story….there’s something about it that just dosent feel right to me…
    not to judge but i believe the man deserves to give his side of the story….social media are now painting him to be the bad person and i begin to wonder.

    But mehhnn…12years….no be beans oooo……i just wonder……WHY did she stay,
    She is the last…what did her family have to say about the abuse or was she hiding it?….

    The person who told this story did not give all those details because he/she knows…

    Marriage is a commitment between 2 people…..the root of this story is yet to be revealed…..eziokwu ka ga aputa ife….

  3. All you fancy igbo people and your fancy igbo words that i am struggling to read. jerks!

    Anywho, yeah i don’t understand why anyone, regardless of your circumstance, would let another human being treat then the way this person describes. I know in Naija social welfare programs are pretty much non-existant but damn. I’d much rather walk away embarrased than to be nursing bruises and broken bones (or worse) on a regular basis, especially at the hands of my husband.

    I would say im interested in the man’s side of the story but i’m really not as i’m sure he’ll confirm everything or deny everything and it’ll just be he said/she said.

  4. What is this?! Is it only igbo women that get abused? ehn? mehnnn y’all should stand up for your rights and stop making Nigerians look like fools. Get smart!

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