Here’s something I don’t get. Some women think that there is only one man for them, they believe in the concept of ‘Mr Right’. Let’s not go into whether I believe this or not. It’s irrelevant. What baffles me is that they have this belief and will still lie and pretend in order to get the man they want.
Take a girl, let’s call her Ebube. Ebube likes Ikem. Ebube thinks Ikem is exactly the kind of man she wants, but Ikem does not like women who are outspoken. So Ebube being a ‘smart girl’ decides to be as quiet as a mouse; all her responses become ‘Yes, sir‘ and ‘No, sir’ and ‘Three bags full, sir’.
Ikem also likes women who scrub his feet with coarse salt and warm water each time he comes back from work and even though Ebube has a rule about whose feet she touches and when, she goes ahead and scrubs away, excusing herself at intervals to ‘check the food on the fire’ all the while going into the toilet to vomit until her intestines are in her throat.
After a month, Ikem decides that Ebube is just the girl for him. They get married. And the next time he comes back from work and puts his feet in her face, Ebube asks him whether his fingers got broken at work that he cannot scrub his own dirty stinking feet himself.
Next thing ‘You’ve changed’ is flying about everywhere, Ikem says he doesn’t want again and your face becomes like this:
Unnecessary drama really, which you could have prevented from the beginning by staying true to your vision. If you are an outspoken woman (like yours truly), why would you pretend to me any less so just to get a man? If you like to dress conservatively, why would you put on clothes with thigh-high Jolie slits just so that man thinks you are daring?
(Mind you, I am not talking about doing things within the security of a marriage to spice things up or because you love your spouse, but even then you should be free to say ‘no’ without thinking that your husband/wife will leave you or judge you. Such fears arise when you do not know your spouse well enough.)
You cannot pretend all the time. One day you will get tired and your true colours will come out. One popular citation in divorce papers is ‘Irreconcilable differences’. That is when there is no common ground between what you thought you had and what you ended up with.
Ladies, if a man does not take you the way you are, then you don’t need to be around him anyway. I do not believe in ‘changing’ people so that you can marry them either. In marriage, you end up becoming the most of what you really are because you can.
(For example: If you are the sort that scratches his balls after every meal, you will become one that takes off his trousers to scratch his balls after every meal.)
If a man is forcing you, either emotionally or otherwise to diminish any part of your character to please him, then he is not a man you need to be with. Why do you want him anyway? He’ll never truly get you. There are MANY MORE people who will appreciate what you bring to their lives.
I know it is hard and the temptation is always to ‘settle’ but remember, you only have one life. That so-called husband of yours will find a woman who is genuinely quiet and has a fetish for scrubbing feet with salt.
And that’s how you’ll find out about their wedding on Facebook. While he is supposedly still married to you.
Resist the temptation to be ‘Mrs Anybody’. Just be you.