You all know I have been writing a romance novel. It’s going well, thanks for asking. Only about 13,000 words to go, which should be fine if I do 1,000+ words every day.
“But what on earth are you doing here, woman? Aren’t you supposed to be writing?” You say. Yes, I am supposed to be writing, but the characters are not cooperating with my synopsis, which is pissing me off. DO they know how long it took me to write? (57 minutes. I will never get that back!)
So, quelle suprise, the main characters are Igbo and the story is set in Igbo land – contemporary of course. But the problem is, this girl she is too Igbo in her head. You know how in Ndi ocha books and films, the friction between the main characters is usually because of repressed passion? And you know how on some dark, stormy night they are trapped somewhere and the friction and anger leads to passionate embraces and kisses? Well, my main character doesn’t do that. Is it too much to ask for an Igbo girl to just be NORMAL? No. When the man excites her, her heart starts beating faster, her mouth dries up…she feels the desire to…slap him.
It’s got so bad now that I’m almost at the end of the book and apart from a near-miss kiss, nothing’s happened. And I have two chapters to go! Grrr.
Mana I won’t, lie. I miss those relationships were you drew out the frisson until you could just about not stand it – the entire relationship, the part that you really wanted to do but didn’t have the guts because you knew that one day your mother would be kneeling in front of her altar praying and suddenly have the Virgin Mary appear to her Aokpe-style and tell her exactly what you were up to, stayed in your head. That’s why Igbo girls can send out confusing vibes. How do you continue to onu gbajie bois and be hard to get when you’ve done bad things to the man in your head? (Guys, if you only knew!)
Anyway, that’s the Igbo way. But I do wish this chick would just be and put the guy out of his confusion.
I mean com’on. You can only slap a man so much before the romance dies.