The Hero Series: Part Three

How to say ‘Do you love me’ in Igbo

Number of times searched – 3.

Alternate searches: How to say ‘I will marry you’ in Igbo (2), What is the Igbo translation of ‘I’m missing you’ (1), How to say ‘I feel that you love me’ in Igbo (1), How do you say ‘Thinking of you’ in Igbo (1), What is the igbo for ‘Where are you going’ (1), How do you say ‘Marry me’ in Igbo (1), How to say ‘There is no one like you’ in Igbo (1),  How to say ‘Fine man’ in Igbo (1), How to say ‘I want to see you’ in Igbo (1), How to say ‘There is no problem in Igbo’ (1), How to say ‘I’m tired’ in Igbo (1), How to say ‘It is finished’ in Igbo (1), How do you say ‘I want you’ in Igbo (1), What is ‘You are mine’ in Igbo (1), How to say ‘You don’t care’ in Igbo (1), ‘How to say ‘I am sad’ in Igbo(1) What is the Igbo for ‘Yes I will marry you’ (1), How to say ‘I love you’ in Igbo to your husband (1), How to say ‘I don’t love you’ in Igbo (1), How to say ‘I’m a doctor’ in igbo (1).

Dear Reader(s),

Phew. I had to go into the kitchen, wash some onugbu and drink the water so I could have a stomach strong enough to deal with this. I know I will pay for it later with some explosive superhero gas later (if you’re in London, I predict serious fog around five o’clock) but I hope this shows you how committed I am to dealing with your problem.

At first glance, it seemed a language lesson was in order, but then I noticed a theme to your search terms. It seems to me – and correct me if I’m wrong –  that you are writing a letter and a difficult one at that. I have taken the liberty of constructing a letter in English using the above terms in red. Now tell me, could this be what you are trying to say?

*       *       *

Dear Pius (Good Igbo catholic name),

I have been writing you on this email address like you asked for the past two months but I have still not heard from you. I am missing you but I’m afriaid that this email will not be as happy as all the others. You see, I bumped into Jenny yesterday. You remember Jenny? The blonde that hangs out with your friend Obi’s wife here in Finland? She told me that you are planning a traditional marriage with a woman in your village. Is this true? I was hoping that this is a lie spread by Jenny. I know how much she hates you, and you her, even if you have never told me why. She showed me pictures and I recognised the woman in one of them. It is the same as the one I found in your inbox, the picture your mother sent you last month of your cousin, Rose. She is your cousin as you say, is she not? 

I am full of fear. I do not doubt our love, so forgive my weakness. I feel that you love me but before you left, I had the feeling also that you were drawing away. Where are you going, my love? And why can I not come along? 

Since you have been gone, there have been many of your Igbo brothers asking me to be their lady. They laugh at me in Igbo and think I do not understand what their bodies say. They think I am a fool for waiting for you.You said you wanted me, well here I am. Marry me. Or do you have doubts? I know there is no one like you. You are a fine man. It is you that I want but do you still feel the same about me?

When will you come back? My bed is empty and cold and my heart is rotting away in my chest. I want to see you, badly. But if you no longer feel love for me, there is no problem. Just tell me, and I will release you. I only want for your happiness. But, Pius my paw-paw, you must release me too. I am tired of not knowing my left from my right, whether I am coming or going, of hearing laughter in igbo. If this is the end, if it is finished, say so. I want you the same way I did when I promised myself to you with my very soul. I have put seven years of my life into this relationship with youYou are mine. Or were you just saying words?

I ask all these questions because this behaviour is not like you. I know we did not spend this much time apart before you got your EU citizenship but even then, you made sure I knew where you were and that you were alright. This makes me think that now you don’t care about my feelings. I am sad about this because I thought you had more respect for me. 

If you still want to marry me then, yes I will marry you. But if you have changed in your affections, then please tell me so that I can move on with my life.

I am thinking of you.

Karoliina.

*       *       *

Karoliina, you sound like a sensible girl. I will help you. Please send me an email as soon as you can. The sooner you send off this letter the better. A fine woman like you should not dwell in uncertainty especially now that winter is coming. What do you mean ‘How do I know you’re fine?’ How many Igbo men have you seen with ugly women? It doesn’t matter if the man in question looks like Obasanjo. Their wives all look like Bianca Onoh/Caroline Danjuma. Besides, all the other Igbo men want you, so the point is moot really.

As for the rest of the search terms, I know it wasn’t you that typed them in. They don’t sound like you. To the people that did, I will address them one by one.

How to say ‘I love you’ in Igbo to your husband (1) – You don’t. Remember what I said in the first Hero I wrote? Make that your manual. Just do the number one on that list over and over, combined with other numbers like number 11 on a regular basis, and you’ll be fine.

How to say ‘I don’t love you’ in Igbo (1) – Just stop cooking. He should get the message. I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re not a guy because a guy would not waste his time wondering how to say anything. He would just miss as we say in Engiligbo…oops! Karoliina, I am not talking about your case o! I am just talking in general.

How to say ‘I’m a doctor’ in igbo (1)Dude, you’re slacking. Stop messing about and show her your wallet.

Make love, not war.

Love,

H.

2 thoughts on “The Hero Series: Part Three

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