Weekend Ramblings

  1.  Winter in London is one season that makes me so glad I am a fat cow.

2. Teenage boys really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, stink. I passed a group of them in the aisle of a supermarket. They smelled like boiled eggs that had gone bad. I almost vomited. That is to say, I tried to vomit. It retreated deep into my gut and stayed there. Even my mess wasn’t touching that mess.

3. Looks like I inherited my mama’s skin. Not one pimple, then out pops a child and suddenly I can’t get rid of the stuff.

4. I find myself drawing closer to God. Every night, I take my clothes off in preparation for a shower, catch sight of myself in the mirror and say ‘Jesus Christ’.

5. They say boys are more difficult to wean off the breast than girls. They were not lying. I must remember to search Tot’s mouth for my missing nipple.

6. It perplexes me that I cannot fully remember ‘The Lord’s Prayer’, ‘Psalm 23′ and ‘The apostles creed’ in Igbo. I keep mixing them up.

7. I remember all the insults in Igbo though.

8. Watching an old woman washing my hair like it was a blanket today gave me pause for thought. For all of two seconds. After all, she wasn’t doing it for free.

Hair by Jay @locs4lifeUK

9. Everyone is raving about Ice Prince, but I think I have a musical crush on Brymo. Bush-sounding boys are so hot. Bush-sounding boys that can sing are even better.

10. I saw two teenagers kissing in the dark of the train station, disguising the ‘piokom-piokom’ sounds their mouths made in the rumble of the approaching train. The urge to slap them passed when I thought of myself as a teen. Now I’m afraid for my unborn daughter.

13 thoughts on “Weekend Ramblings

  1. Lol I loved it! I didn’t burst out laughing until my eyes caught something while skimming through your tags. Don’t be surprised when u start seeing weird search terms or getting kinky spam comments! Hmm hmm jk :P

  2. I dont even know where to start, each random is special on its own. lmao

    #1fat cow – insulation huh? me, makes me wish i was one.
    #2 Isi ndi ocha di nno special
    #3 Ndo. Will that affect further procreation? :p
    #4 Jesus Christ mee ebele
    #5 lmao
    #6 Nna anyi no na eluigwe
    ka otito diri aha gi
    ka ochichi gi bia
    ka emee uche gi na uwa
    dika e si eme ya na eluigwe
    nye anyi tata
    nri nke ubosi anyi
    gbaghara anyi mmehe anyi gaa
    dika anyi si gbaghara ndi mehere anyi
    ekwe na ka anyi kwenye na nra nye
    ma zoputa anyi na ajo ihe Amin!

    I will write the Creed if you want. The Lord is my shepherd , i never got around learning it. loved the English version too much.

    #8 – Is that your ntutu? Anwuola m oo. lekwa Rapunzel!

  3. See, Ginger we say it differently from the way you wrote it:

    Nna anyi nke be n’elu igwe
    Ka aha go d nso
    Ka ala eze gi bia
    Ka anyi mee ihe i na acho
    Di ka anyi siri eme ya n’elu igwe
    Ka emekwaa ya otu anu n’uwa
    Nye anyi nri taa, nke ga ezuru anyi ubochi taa
    Ma gbaghara anyi ajo ihe
    Otu anyi onwe anyi siri gbaghara ndo mere anyi ihe ojoo
    Edubana anyi n’ime onwunwa
    Ma zoputa anyi n’aka ajo ihe
    N’ihi na ala eze bu nke gi
    N’ike na otito
    Mge n’ile mgbe n’ile
    Amen.

    Huh. Looks like I haven’t forgotten. I think you prompted it Ginger! Thank you so much! I just needed to remember.
    And yes, it’s my ntutu. LOL.

    Oh and those teenagers were all black boys o! No ndi ocha.

  4. oh my oh my

    #2…..so true, especially when they look at you, wink and ogle like u are one tasty morsel…..ewoooo……Chim ekwena ka ngwere gba aji…..

  5. LMAO….hahahahahahhahahha…1-10 had me rolling on the floor. Number 4. I was about to say awwww that is great that you are drawing closer to God and then i read the last part and i fell out laughing….Girl the humor in your writing deserves an award!!!!! OMG…when i see locks (is it sister locks?) like yours i get hair envy and i feel like locking my hair….wow…how long is your hair though? I love it

    1. Thanks girl. No they’re not Sisterlocs, just ordinary dreads. I thought about it for a couple of years before I did it. All that time I had it free ‘fro. It wasn’t as as long as yours though!
      It’s as long as maybe the back of my bra? Just grazing the top.

  6. Nwunye o!!!!! You will not be the death of me!
    WARNING: Eaters (while reading this blog) are liable to choke on their food. There are mutually exclusive actions, do one or the other, not both.
    I almost learnt the hard way!

    #4 and #5 ehn…..uhm….God dey!

  7. I think Ginger is a Catholic and Nwunye is Anglican. I still remember both prayers in Igbo, they’re kinna embedded from all those years of Sunday School and Morning prayers at home and school.

    But this woman sha, lol…thou shalt not take thou Lord’s name in vain.

    And why did you want to spoil those kid’s action?

    1. I wasn’t taking His name in vain. I was genuinely crying/in shock. I realise that God needs to calm my mind. :-)

      As for those kids, I realise that as a Romance writer you live love, but they were teens. In the dark. Kissing. In public. No, no.

  8. LMFAO. Nne ehnnn, i bu character no be lie. I actually choked on my dodo cos I was laughing too much. :-D. Your dreads rock. Me likey very much.

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